Values

How do you define yourself? Is your sense of self based on your level of success, what you have accomplished so far in life, or is it based on your values and how you decide to live your life. As for me, at this point, and for as long as I can remember, I have always been results and success driven. From my business life to my personal life, I felt I was only as good as what I had done lately. I have never been one to rest on my laurels, but I often use them as a stepping stone or foundation for future achievements. However, as I grow older, and hopefully wiser, I am trying to lead a values driven life. Intentionally making decisions throughout my day that lead to a better me. Rather than try and accomplish something that I think would look better to the outside world, I instead focus on accomplishing something that makes me feel better, and makes my family and family life better. From simple decisions, to complex actions, my goal lately has been to stay true to my word, take the path that may not be the easiest, but yield greater results, and to stand up for myself and what I believe is right.

While the values that I try to live my life by may not be all that complex at this point, they are at least a starting point or a road map for how to frame my actions. Growing up I was never given much direction from my parents. Other than telling me what not to do, I was never really told what I should be doing instead. Often times I will read an interview, or hear someone being interviewed on the radio and they will reminisce about how their parents or grandparents instilled a certain trait in them, or how their family had a certain code of ethics if you will. They will go on about how their father gave them advice on how to handle a situation, or relate an event from their childhood about how to handle a situation. I can honestly say, that as a 38 year old man, I have never even had a deep, let alone meaningful conversation with anyone in my family, excluding my wife and kids. From my parents to my grand parents, brother, sister, aunts, uncles or cousins, not once in my life have I, or they opened up, about anything. That is why as a 38 year old I am just now learning what it takes to be a man. I was never given a road map of the "right" way to act or live my life, instead I was taught to lie, cheat and deceive, to do just enough to make it look like you are doing what you are supposed to be doing.  But leading that sort of life has left me empty, it has left me wanting more, more from myself and others.

I have learned over the past few years that the truth is often easier than lies. My life is better now that I am honest with myself and those that matter most. Being deceitful, lying and dishonest lead me to become a person I never imagined I would become. But I never really had an idea of what I should become. I was never shown by example what a person with honor, integrity and is honest looks like. Instead I was shown the opposite. What sort of person was I expecting to become if the closest examples  in my life were failing me and didn't even know it? I was left on my own to figure out how best to survive, and I failed. I was never taught that the truth is the best possible answer, instead I was taught that perhaps the truth is what you decide is best at the time. Cover your ass, make excuses and hope for the best. What a great fucking way to live. Thanks mom and dad, great fucking job.

Having learned the hard way, I now like to think that I am finally getting better at the "right" way to live. I am holding myself responsible for my actions, and how they may impact those I love the most. And who knew that living the right way could actually be easier than living the way I did before. Now, I am able to have a clear conscience, because there are no lies. I am able to handle stress when it comes, because it is no longer a constant. Life is actually easier, more carefree since I started living the right way, I am happier and success is coming much easier. A clear, uncluttered mind is truly a beautiful thing.

I am also no longer looking for the easy way out of situations, no matter what they may be. Rather than walking away from a problem, I instead choose to try to and figure out a solution. Whether in family, or work or any other part of my life I choose the less easy path sometimes. Because I know that in the end, I will be much more satisfied having done something the right way instead of the easy way. If a problem presents itself, rather than throwing my hands up, I instead roll up my sleeves and set to work to try and find a solution. It may not always be pretty, but in the end, some sort of success is usually achieved, no matter how small. At the end of the day, I am always more pleased with myself knowing that I gave it my all, instead of just making it look like I did. Because once it is all said and done, when I am in the final days of my life, I would much rather look back and know I did my best when asked, and not just enough to give the impression of my best.

I am still working on who I want to be as a husband, father and man, but I have also learned lately that I can influence others, especially my kids. I can show them through my effort as well as by example what it means to be a good person. I can talk to them, teach them from my mistakes,
without revealing too much, right from wrong. I can actually do my job as a parent and lead them to become the best person that they can become. I can do all of this not because it is my job, but because I feel so strongly that it is the right thing to do. By teaching them right from wrong, I too will learn. By teaching them that you don't have to be the best at something, but you just have to try your hardest, and do the best that you are capable of doing, I too will learn. By teaching them that they are important, that they have a voice worth listening to, that their input counts, I too will realize the same for myself. I will teach them that a life lived without values, isn't much of a life at all.

Words of Wisdom

"Many of those who are self-taught far excel the doctors, masters and bachelors of the most renowned universities."

Ludwig von Mises

Exceeding Expectations

 

I know I will never always be able to live up to the above axiom, but I sure am going to try like hell to do so, on a daily basis, with everything I do. Surely that goal sounds lofty, but after all, isn't that the point of a goal? Put something just out of reach of the ordinary, so that you have to work just a bit harder in order to achieve it. And speaking of working just a bit harder, today I did just that.

 

I had been in a bit of a rut lately with work, namely the part of my job that involves selling. It had been a while since I had been on a cold call, mostly because it sucks getting the door slammed in your face over and over again. But today was different, and I can thank my neighbor for spurring me into action. During a casual conversation about my work day I mentioned how there is an entire portion of the Chicagoland area that the company I work for is extremely under represented. While in other parts of the city we literally own the market, in this one region we are pretty much nonexistent, and it happens to be the area in which I now live.

 

While mentioning this to my neighbor I had the proverbial "A Ha moment", the light bulb went off, I saw the sign, whatever else you want to call it. I decided then and there, mid-sentence, that my new mission would be to grow the region to the point that we will have to expand our business just to keep up with what I am doing there. Years ago I had made some cold calls that never panned out and based on that I had turned my back on an entire region that I deemed uninterested, or just didn't "get" what we had to offer. So for years now I have never even thought of trying to pursue any leads, but would rather try and fight it out in the other markets with the other salesman. Why? I have no idea.

 

If today was any indication of how the future will unfold though, then I am ready and willing to capitalize. I took my new found drive and capitalized on it. I put myself out there, knocked on some doors and was greeted with open arms. I was right where I needed to be, back on top of my game, doing what I do best, making connections. I killed it today, although it was only a few hours, I was on top, I was making it happen, I didn't have a single misstep, I was exceeding my own expectations. If today was good, then tomorrow should be even better. I know it won't always come as easy as it did today, but that's okay. Because with everyday that passes that goes well, I add firepower to my arsenal, I put the proverbial money in the bank, I sharpen my game, and I add a few more tools to my bag. In other words, I am better than I was the day before. And that's a pretty good feeling.   

 

From This Day Forward

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. - Aristotle

You don't just happen to become great at what you do, whatever it may be, you have to work for it. Athletes train, fighters fight, writers write. You practice and practice and practice until whatever goal you are trying to reach or achieve becomes attainable. You can never expect to succeed by just willing something to happen, you have to work for it. That being said, I am putting in the work that I need to put in so that I can achieve my greatness.

My goals and dreams and aspirations are so much bigger than I am realizing right now. After a long talk with my wife this weekend, we both came to the conclusion that we are meant to do more, and be more with this life that we have been given. No longer will we sit idly by and wish  for an opportunity to present itself, we will seek out the opportunity. No longer will we hope for an easy life, but rather embrace the challenges that come along and find ways to overcome them. No longer will we dream of what our futures may hold for us, but we will shape our present day actions and thoughts so that we fully realize our potential.

While certain aspects of our future may remain unknown to us at this time, one thing is absolutely certain, we will no longer be reactive, but only active in shaping not only our individual lives, but our family life as well. The hours will be long, and our sacrifices may be great, but in the end we will be realizing our full potential, and that cannot be underestimated. To live a full, complete, happy life without regret or what ifs  will be the greatest gift we can give to ourselves.

Today marks a turning point for me. No longer will be I simply be a dreamer, but I will also be the doer. I will bring action to my plans and see them through to the end. I will embrace the challenges as they come, then find a solution for them. I will live in the present, enjoying the good life that we have, while laying the ground work for an even better future. I will work hard, not for my employers sake, but for my family's sake. I will not allow others to take advantage of me, but demand respect from those around me. I will stand up, be heard, and demand that others listen. I will achieve success once again, and fell proud of who I am and what I have created. But most of all I will create a life for my family based on excellence.
   

Perseverance

"Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence - is the key to unlocking our potential."
-Sir Winston Churchill

I'd like to think I possess a great deal of perseverance, whether or not I actually do may be debatable, but in my mind I'd like to think so. Whether it be at work, or at home or while running or training in martial arts, I tend to stick it out til the end in order to achieve whatever it is I am after. I have also realized through life that success can be measured by how much effort you put in. When I was 25 I started a business named Marketfresh Produce Co., and I worked, and worked, and worked. I loved every minute of it. I was proud. I was successful. In just a few years, I was selling over a million dollars worth of produce a year to some of the best restaurants in Chicago.

I woke up at midnight 6 days a week to start my day, by 2am on was on "The Street" as we called it, or the produce market to others. I hustled both literally and figuratively from one end to the other, several times for 3-4 hours every morning, loving every minute of it. From the smells of the fresh produce being unloaded from around the world, to the stench of diesel fumes that could leave your snot black with soot, I breathed it all in. The language was rough from everyone and the characters ran the gamut from the stereotypical to the downright insane, and somehow I felt right at home. Every conversation was an education in how to use the word fuck most effectively, and I was a pro. In explaining the Street to the uninitiated, I would often reference the Old West, it could be just that wild. While there were no gunfights, there were plenty of guns. The Street after all was situated in the middle of the projects, and its bright lights drew characters like a lamp draws flies. Hookers, hustlers, lumpers the market had it all, including cash. Lots of it.

The street ran on cash. And everyone carried it, myself included. One pocket carried a wad of cash almost as big as your fist, the other carried a knife because at 2am, in the middle of the projects you just never knew. Cash talked, because you could only yell so loud. It got you the freshest produce and it got you the fastest service. Because the faster you could get off the Street , the faster you cold make more money. In that business time was money. If I could get to a restaurant before some other asshole could, I was golden. In a business where the attitude was "what have you done for me lately?", being on time was everything. If I could out hustle all the other schmucks, with a better product, at a better price then I was unstoppable.

Life was good, work was hard, but never did I tire of the day to day hustle. My walk was fast as I moved down the Street , my talk was even faster. They called me The Kid because I was so young, I loved it, every minute of it. The old timers respected me, they saw the fire I had in my eyes. They all watched me grow and succeed, not only in business but as a person. I knew my shit, I had it together at 25 when most other 25 year olds were still acting like kids. I used that to my advantage, my eagerness to grow and learn attracted attention. In a few years I had several offers to merge. Offers from major players in the produce game, offers that had not been extended to anyone else. People saw in me what I knew about myself, if you work hard enough good things come to you.

Hard work doesn't scare me, never has. The harder the job, the bigger the challenge, the bigger the reward. Bring it on, all of it. I rarely ask for help, to me that is a sign of weakness, probably stupidly so, but that is how I work best. I have the mindset that nothing is impossible if you only try hard enough. While I don't always succeed, I do always try. Who wants to fail? Not me. But you never know what is going to happen if you don't at least try. I put everything I have into everything I do. I push harder when I would rather just quit. Knowing that the extra effort will pay dividends, maybe not immediately, but eventually. I may not be the smartest guy out there, and I am sure there is some other Kidout hustling even my hustle, but with a continuous drive forward I can't be stopped. I do what I do for me, for my family, for my friends. I work hard for the things I want, for what I feel I deserve. Maybe someday I can inspire someone to dig their heels in, try something they wouldn't have normally tried, push harder, or just dream bigger dreams.

Words of Wisdom

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”-Marianne Williamson

Words of Wisdom

 
"Make no little plans. They have no magic to stir men's blood and probably will not themselves be realized." 

 -Daniel Burnham, Architect