Monday, July 29, 2013

Values

How do you define yourself? Is your sense of self based on your level of success, what you have accomplished so far in life, or is it based on your values and how you decide to live your life. As for me, at this point, and for as long as I can remember, I have always been results and success driven. From my business life to my personal life, I felt I was only as good as what I had done lately. I have never been one to rest on my laurels, but I often use them as a stepping stone or foundation for future achievements. However, as I grow older, and hopefully wiser, I am trying to lead a values driven life. Intentionally making decisions throughout my day that lead to a better me. Rather than try and accomplish something that I think would look better to the outside world, I instead focus on accomplishing something that makes me feel better, and makes my family and family life better. From simple decisions, to complex actions, my goal lately has been to stay true to my word, take the path that may not be the easiest, but yield greater results, and to stand up for myself and what I believe is right.

While the values that I try to live my life by may not be all that complex at this point, they are at least a starting point or a road map for how to frame my actions. Growing up I was never given much direction from my parents. Other than telling me what not to do, I was never really told what I should be doing instead. Often times I will read an interview, or hear someone being interviewed on the radio and they will reminisce about how their parents or grandparents instilled a certain trait in them, or how their family had a certain code of ethics if you will. They will go on about how their father gave them advice on how to handle a situation, or relate an event from their childhood about how to handle a situation. I can honestly say, that as a 38 year old man, I have never even had a deep, let alone meaningful conversation with anyone in my family, excluding my wife and kids. From my parents to my grand parents, brother, sister, aunts, uncles or cousins, not once in my life have I, or they opened up, about anything. That is why as a 38 year old I am just now learning what it takes to be a man. I was never given a road map of the "right" way to act or live my life, instead I was taught to lie, cheat and deceive, to do just enough to make it look like you are doing what you are supposed to be doing.  But leading that sort of life has left me empty, it has left me wanting more, more from myself and others.

I have learned over the past few years that the truth is often easier than lies. My life is better now that I am honest with myself and those that matter most. Being deceitful, lying and dishonest lead me to become a person I never imagined I would become. But I never really had an idea of what I should become. I was never shown by example what a person with honor, integrity and is honest looks like. Instead I was shown the opposite. What sort of person was I expecting to become if the closest examples  in my life were failing me and didn't even know it? I was left on my own to figure out how best to survive, and I failed. I was never taught that the truth is the best possible answer, instead I was taught that perhaps the truth is what you decide is best at the time. Cover your ass, make excuses and hope for the best. What a great fucking way to live. Thanks mom and dad, great fucking job.

Having learned the hard way, I now like to think that I am finally getting better at the "right" way to live. I am holding myself responsible for my actions, and how they may impact those I love the most. And who knew that living the right way could actually be easier than living the way I did before. Now, I am able to have a clear conscience, because there are no lies. I am able to handle stress when it comes, because it is no longer a constant. Life is actually easier, more carefree since I started living the right way, I am happier and success is coming much easier. A clear, uncluttered mind is truly a beautiful thing.

I am also no longer looking for the easy way out of situations, no matter what they may be. Rather than walking away from a problem, I instead choose to try to and figure out a solution. Whether in family, or work or any other part of my life I choose the less easy path sometimes. Because I know that in the end, I will be much more satisfied having done something the right way instead of the easy way. If a problem presents itself, rather than throwing my hands up, I instead roll up my sleeves and set to work to try and find a solution. It may not always be pretty, but in the end, some sort of success is usually achieved, no matter how small. At the end of the day, I am always more pleased with myself knowing that I gave it my all, instead of just making it look like I did. Because once it is all said and done, when I am in the final days of my life, I would much rather look back and know I did my best when asked, and not just enough to give the impression of my best.

I am still working on who I want to be as a husband, father and man, but I have also learned lately that I can influence others, especially my kids. I can show them through my effort as well as by example what it means to be a good person. I can talk to them, teach them from my mistakes,
without revealing too much, right from wrong. I can actually do my job as a parent and lead them to become the best person that they can become. I can do all of this not because it is my job, but because I feel so strongly that it is the right thing to do. By teaching them right from wrong, I too will learn. By teaching them that you don't have to be the best at something, but you just have to try your hardest, and do the best that you are capable of doing, I too will learn. By teaching them that they are important, that they have a voice worth listening to, that their input counts, I too will realize the same for myself. I will teach them that a life lived without values, isn't much of a life at all.

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